Where is the love?

Ok, so I was just in the Student Union (SU) and saw Chisel. I think. I can't decide if I like him! Was it him or the vodka?

So after the small get together, I told you how it wasn't awkward, there was no "Walk of Shame". However, when I talked to the Chisel that evening, he told me he "kinda" has a girlfriend. He sounded extremely apologetic, and told me that he had such a good time with me, would love to do it again, etc., but that he can't date two girls at the same time. So, at least he's somewhat honest... But when I told this all to my best friend, Tennessee, he said, "Well, what if he's just saying he has a girlfriend so he doesn't have to commit to you?" And that made me totally doubt Chisel!

But then I was thinking, I'm decent friends with Chisel's brother, G.G., so I don't think Chisel would mess with me like that... unless, that's what they do. I have so little faith in humanity, especially the "man" in humanity.

So I'm trying not to think too much about Chisel, I'm pretty sure that's not going anywhere! For now I'm trying not to get fired, as well as stay afloat in the oil-soaked ocean that is my life.

It's Amazing

Listening to "It's Amazing" by Jem...

Didn't get fired today, but didn't get not-fired. Will find out on Thursday, maybe.

How come nothing can go right for more than a day? I always get dumped on. Sure, I had one good day last week, and maybe I should be grateful for that. But why, just a few days later, are things crap again?

It's amazing how I can go from feeling completely hopeful to completely downtrodden in a matter of days. I'm sure this happens to other people... right? Okay, asking too many questions. 

Lat week, I kind of admitted to myself that this guy is really cute, and actually could be really good for me, and I found out that he JUST started dating someone. Then, I have my amazing night the other night, and gain that hope that you get when you think someone "like" likes you...turns out he has a girlfriend too.

My amazing night was at a small get-together last weekend. We all got drunk, and I ended up making out with (and a little more) with... let's call him... "Chisel". I'm not stupid. I know that during college random hookups are bound to happen and that nothing really comes out of them. However, the next morning, as I prepared to avoid eye contact and act like nothing happened (re: play it cool), he was all sweetness and kisses. I still tried to play it cool, but I could not help getting into the mindset that something was going to come out of this. He whispered "I like you a lot" in my ear, scratched my back, etc. He didn't press any further, so I really thought I was going to get a call later.

I did get a call, but it was not what I had hoped for. More later, have got to go to work.

The world does not need another college dropout

The idea of the times is pessimism. Here in the U.S. we're worried about money, losing our jobs, losing our homes. We're in a recession, right? So pessimistic is the way to be- anyone who's anyone has something to complain about.

So does this mean that I was ahead of my time? I doubt it.

I am 21 going on 22, depressed most of the time, stressed most of the time, broke, and quite possibly on the verge of willingly becoming an alcoholic. I'm a typical college student. It's the best time of my life! If I leave school, which I might because I can't afford it, there are no jobs for me. What remains of my family is falling apart. I'm on the verge of losing my job. I've only earned about 20 credits in the past year (that's not a lot). And, this week I accidentally deleted all the songs on my iPod.

I go to a school I'll call Central. I actually love it here, but it's pretty expensive for an out-of-stater like me. If I lose my job (I may find out tomorrow), then I will most likely have to leave. Spring quarter recently started, and this is the most hopeful I've felt about classes in a long time. I decided to take classes I can actually pass. Luckily, my parents are not very involved with my school life, so they know nothing about my problems. They don't pay for school, so they don't care.

I'm about three quarters away from a bachelor's degree, which means if I am ousted from Central, I am going to be thrown into a job market where people with degrees are in danger of losing their jobs.

Do you remember thinking how easy life was going to be? I remember thinking that college would be a cinch, finding a dream job would be a piece of cake, and once you had those the rest would come along shortly. It feels like I've been in school forever, and there is really no job that I can think of that I would be happy doing for the rest of my life. There are things I can stand to do for long periods of time, but every day... for the rest of my life?

Please God, don't let me get fired tomorrow. I need this job, and I am good at it. I just have one more quarter here before the summer... and in the summer will be Paris... 

Is praying something pessimists do? Maybe just during a recession.